Thoughts on the Festival of Booths

One of the Jewish festivals celebrated in Autumn is known as the Festival of Booths or Festival of Tabernacles (Succoth) where the Israelites celebrated their cleansing and reconciliation achieved by the two previous festivals: Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (particularly Yom Kippur as it is directly before).


For 7 days the Israelites had praise sessions and lived in tents to remind them of their time wandering in the desert when God brought them out of Egypt. It is a time for rejoicing and to stop work and worship The Lord.


Recently I was at Grapevine: a yearly conference/festival in Lincoln. As I was there it struck me how we as Christians almost uphold this Jewish Tradition but in an adapted way. The other festivals are definitely fulfilled and made complete through the coming of Jesus: Rosh Hashanah looks at repentance and being willing to turn away from our sins. It includes remembering one of the moments in Biblical history is Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac and therefore fulfilled in the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Plus Rosh Hashanah heralds the start of Yom Kippur which is the Day of Atonement through blood sacrifices and the scapegoat taking the sins away which is a perfect picture of what Jesus is to us.


But we also seem to yearly keep the Festival of Booths in the way of Christian Conferences and Festivals such as Grapevine, Greenbelt (on the same weekend as Grapevine), Momentum, Spring Harvests, New Wine, Soul Survivors and Bible Weeks. We stay in tents (although I was a ‘wimp’ (or sensible and willing to spend money for warm showers, an actual bed and a cooked breakfast in the morning) and stayed in accommodation!) and go to celebrations and seminars; singing, dancing, praising our Lord and remembering the good things He has done for us. Recharging the batteries for another year and vowing that the coming year we will strive after Him and leave the old mistakes in the past and live a more righteous Christ-like life.


And each year we seem to go back and repeat the experience- meet with God in a major way, renew our strength and prepare to be better followers of Jesus. I know it has been said many a time that we should not rely on the “Mountain-top” moments with God and not act as though we only meet with Him in these sorts of situations; that God should be in the everyday and even when life gets mundane or hard God is still there and we can still have an effective relationship with Him But that said- these sorts of events do help and, as long as we don’t let ‘normal’ life and the stresses and strains and attacks from the enemy get in our way, can remind us and send us out with renewed strength.


With the Israelites and the Festival of Booths their celebration was affirming the cleansing and atonement that had come from the sacrifices and repentance of the previous festivals but as they returned to ‘normal life’ they would eventually need renewed cleansing and atonement so these festivals would be repeated year on year to make them righteous in the sight of God and ensure they’re salvation.


We on the other hand are blessed with Jesus and His perfect sacrifice meaning that we are saved and atoned for. When we make mistakes or don’t live the way any of these festivals inspire us to (a simple example would be thinking “When I get home I’m going to continue reading my Bible daily and really praying”) we don’t have to wait until the next lot of sacrifices to make us right with God. We just have to turn back to Jesus and acknowledge our mistake and repent from our wrong doing.

Rising Waves

So I have written anything for a very long time, and if I'm going to be honest I haven't much felt like writing anything. This last year has been difficult. I have been staying in such a monotomous place feeling lost and alone but ignoring it all. And ignoring God and how amazing my life would be if I turned it all over to Him.

And now....the waves feel like they are rising, the tears flowing.

Back in the summer when I was at my wonderful home church my Dad shared something about how Grandpa was doing. Chris (my pastor) had spoken on Matthew 17:14-23 which features Jesus healing a man's son, the account in Mark includes the man saying "I do believe: [that Jesus can heal his son] Help my unbelief!" And so often when waiting for healing we ask God for many things: wisdom for doctors, His will to be done, comfort, strength. But in amongst it all we just want a miracle. We know God can do that miracle but the waiting the hurt...And my Dad shared with the church that this has been our journey for the last 2 and a half years. We have prayed for all those things. I have been tired; I have stopped praying as dilegently as I did in that first sixth months; when we fasted, when we sat at his bedside reading Psalms and sections from Job, when I knew healing was possible and was coming soon. Maybe I accepted that healing doesn't always come straight away. Maybe I shoved it all to the back of my mind as the rest of life piled up with deadlines, exams, bills, struggles with friends, the busyness of life. But we still want that miracle. And I know that God has the power but I need Him to help my unbelief. The church prayed for our family and the next week they prayed again for us because someone had felt lead to ask Wally (our worship leader) to play a certain song.

There is a song that always reduces me to tears. These last 2 years it has been a song that makes me cling to what the words say. This is the song that whoever that wonderful person from my wonderful church wanted us to sing that Sunday for my family. For my Grandpa; for my amazing Grandma; for my fantastic Dad; for my mum and brothers; for Me. This song is called 'Still'

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

I stood there im my church letting the tears fall wanting so much for the words to become my life.

And today I have sat in my room back in Cardiff, in a house with wonderful housemates, looking ahead to my final 9 months of University before I graduate and move onto the next step in my life, listening to this song again. Crying as I sing the words. Knowing that right now I need my God more than ever.

My Grandpa has been in hospital for almost 2 weeks now; He has been suffering with breathing difficulties which have improved. But they have done tests which have revealed a mass on his vocal chords.
My amazing Nanny sent me a letter yesterday which shows her beautiful spirit so wonderfully. "The LORD is even more precious in times like this". And mentioning two Psalms; Psalm 42 and Psalm 61.

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. (Ps 61:1-4)

My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul; how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.....Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs His love, at night his sing is with me....Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my saviour and my God. (Ps 42:3-4, 7-8, 11)

I could not say it better.

The waves surround me and family once more. I look and think how can I stay afloat let alone continue singing and dancing in the storm. But He is God. He has been with us. Without this hope, the Love and Strength of my God I would have given up many times over especially over this last year. Be Still and know that He is God. Through exhaustion, through tears, through loneliness, through busyness and stress, through sickness He is still God.

Blessed be His name even though there is pain in the offering the Briars family present to Him, even though there are tears as we walk this road as we continue everyday I bless my Lord Jesus' name, I sing His praise and trust in His miracles and Love.

It's been a while

So yeah- how's this for keeping the blog updated and expressing my feelings to make sure I don't get overwhelmed!!!

Yes busyness over took me and yet again I got back in to that monotomous life.

But I love how God keeps caring and keeps giving even when I'm just flitting through life!!

It's almost coming up to two years since Grandpa had the stroke- I look back and can't really fathom that its been that long. But then again I've grown up a lot in that time.

So what's happened in the 10 months since I last wrote anything?!?!

I did my first year exams and passed them! Further proof that God wants me at Cardiff University!!

I got a summer job (also planned perfectly for me by God) 5 minutes away from home, with an old work mate of mum's who had become a Christian months before I walked into her shop asking for a job!!

I started 2nd year with a house and learnt how much harder 2nd year is!!
The last semester was hard work-battlig with new situations, and busy with Uni work and Hall group stuff. Being on a new course and meeting the other Pharmers has been great and I've enjoyed leading hall group so much-I can't believe its almost time to pass it on to the next lot!! Getting to know my new housemate has been wonderful too.
But yeah at times its been quite lonely and just a bit harder than I expected- I thought I was an expert at Cardiff life since I'd done a year.

Details aren't important-as its all behind me now and I've determined to move on and not let the things that bothered me last term effect me anymore. I just want to say; God showed me He loved me in the loneliness-spoke into situations and whispered into the tears through me being prayed for by a friend.

And my Grandpa? Well this Christmas was better than the last one. He still has his times of feeling so down about it all-but he has said the words that he doesnt really want to go 'home'.
He's been having lots and lots of physiotherapy. He's started sessions with a great woman called Anja who is dating my mum's cousin. Anja is a physio who has neuroscience experience and specialises in stroke patients-working particularly with the arm. I really enjoyed chatting to her about 'geeky' brain stuff and hearing her theories on what she is going to work on with my grandpa. He know just needs to stay positive and keep trying. Progress has been made. Its still slow-he's still in the chair although Anja has got him up and waking little bits, he still can't do complete sentences and some days just lets us get on with the conversation. Its tough still and I hate being away from it all.

Christmas was lovely. Friends from all over the place joined us for the christmas break. Clement (who Simon worked with in Zambia) was with us for Christmas and it was lovely to meet the guy who Simon sees as a brother and hear Grandpa thanking him and encouraging him. Rebecca came from the US which was such a great time for me-as I've not seen her for almost 3 years but it was fantastic to be reunited and share life updates!!

Then back to Cardiff. Determined to make my house here more warm and lovely, struggling through with exams and back into a whirlwind life.

God is being faithful even when I'm not really. I'm determined to be spending more time with Him-because I know that my insecurities and struggles will reduce when I'm trusting Him fully and living in His light and promise and purpose. But of course I know all this but then end up rushing around burning the candle at both ends, crashing and burning ever so often, trying to be Miss in-control! :) But Jesus is in Control, i just have to take my little finger off the steering wheel!!

I'll try not to let it be another terribly long amount of time before I share something of God's goodness again!!

God bless and all that Jazz
xx

366 days down the line...

No, 366 days isn't how long it is since I last blogged; but I know its been quite a few months (6 I think!!) and I'm sorry for that. I think its just that I've not felt I have anything to add. And to be honest its quite emotionally draining.

366 days is the amount of time since my Grandpa had the stroke. Yesterday was exactly a year (leap year length) to the day when I got the message on my answer phone from my Grandma. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday; how it was so out of the blue, how calm Nanny sounded and yet I think I could hear the worry in her voice too. Then the day at work wondering what was happening whilst serving cakes for 7 hours. The first visit to the hospital.

Its been such a long year. And so much so that I think all of us have got a little tired. And I think thats why I've held off from blogging; but I think now I need to.

Saturday night, as I was pondering on coming back to Cardiff after the Easter holidays on the day that was a year on, all the emotion and exhaustion I think I've been holding in exploded; I cried so much and thought the only way I'm going to be able to order all this emotion in my head is if I write. So I started off trying to be creative and put it into a 'poem' but after a stanza or too I just started writing it without rhythm or pattern-just I guess emotion. And I thought these emotions are what I've got to express in my blog (although I wont write it out how I did on Saturday). So here goes....

I know that all my family have struggled through this last year-everyday life brings stresses but its been an emotional journey too. We as a family have wept together right at the beginning of this; I can remember sitting in the hospital one night with my Dad and Grandpa and just weeping as I sat next to the man who once almost 'ran' our family.

And now he sits, quiet. I didnt blog after Christmas because I guess I saw how hard this is on my Grandpa. His spirits were just so deflated. He can no longer chat or read for pleasure or walk or look after himself and us. And I know this gets to him. He wonders why this happened and why it doesn't go away-which is fair enough. And I didnt have anything encouraging to write. And I think after Christmas I was starting to feel tired in my walk with God.

I think my head has just become cloudy with emotion and life and the noise of the world. So I then I have not expressed my feelings to God or reaching closer to Him-But I know deep down that I need Him so much and He is the constant thing in my life that never changes.

Sometimes, like Saturday, I just explode with all the emotion from this whole years ordeal. I look back at the memories of before the stroke; Poland 2 years before, and even when Nanny and Grandpa brought me to the Uni that I'm now at for an open day only weeks before. But now all that seems to be packaged with a wheelchair. Even though I can remember before the stroke that has now become my Grandpa's life. And I can sometimes see how that hurts him which makes me even more saddened. I know God's there with us every step of the way; and I think my Grandpa knows it too. But all of us just want him chatting away and smiling and declaring how great God is again.

My Nanny has been amazing. I just watch the strength that she has and am in awe of her. She has been so positive, patient, loving and caring. And her trust in God has been wonderful. I love and admire her so much.

I don't think I've been angry at this. Just confused and overwhelmed. It was a big shock to us all and a big alteration and i think sometimes it just gets the better of me! With all the changes over this year (grandpa, uni,) and just my own struggles anyway it feels as if sometimes I'm in a whirlpool yet other times I seem to be able to get on with life. I almost forget; but its this monotomous life as I'm just forcing the rain out of my head so I don't feel lost.

But thats just me-for my grandpa I know this doesnt ever go away and he's asked why. This is way more his struggle than mine, although it does effect all our family. Its the Briars family's biggest struggle. But for him this is continuous and it hurts me to know how much he feels it. These outbursts of mine must be a small expression of what he feels.

I soemtimes feel torn. As I've said it breaks my heart to see him so despaired. He feels he cant do anything now, feels worthless. But to me he is still so special and I feel as though we all need him. He is my amazing grandpa and I want to make him proud. I know he can still serve God. He can inspire and comfort people and he is still there for our family. And as many people have said to me it should be a priveledge for us to serve him for a change. And it really is. Its almost as though we're giving him back all the time and love he's shown us. And although its not the way I'd have it, I love going to see him and holding his hand and seeing his smile and updating him on life.

And I think deep down (sometimes its just really deep down) I'm holding out for that miracle still. We shouldnt stop praying for that miracle even though this situation may be for a time longer. But I think sometimes my strength runs out. So theres where I need to be leaning on God. And I really want to. I feel like I'm making excuses but I feel as though at times my strength is so low I cant hold on to Him as much as I want to. I hate getting into a boring routine but its almost as though (in the short term at least) it hurts less then the emotion that can overwhelm me when I cry it all out.

And I dont want to let people down who see me as Happy, sunny, yellow Annie. I guess its human pride to not let others see your emotions. But I guess I need to let people know that ever so often there is pain behind the smile and I think there are possibly people out there who know me well enough to see it in my eyes.

I should really start writing again-getting out all the emotion and words that get muddled in my head becoming a noisy fuzz. And I also need to put all my strength into clinging to God so that I can draw my strength from Him and becoming closer to Him. Pray for me in that respect.
I dont like to get stressed or explode with emotion but for me to not fall apart I need to be holding onto God. I know this is all good in theory but I guess I then begin to doubt whether I'll hold onto God as much as I need to. I pray that I will and one day I'll see God's glory instead of the thick mass of hurt.

And I'll know that the flames and the rain that I think sometimes overwhelm me haven't burnt or drowned me or my family at all.

And my grandpa; well the house is pretty much all sorted with wet room etc so that he can live at home comfortably. Hopefully in the summer my Nanny and him will be able to take more outings than they have over the cold, rainy months. He haves waves of feeling proactive and days where he just wants to sit. Which is fair enough. But as I've talked to different people we've said that maybe when he has these down moments he needs to accept that this could be life for a time and that God is in control and maybe then the healing will continue on slowly plodding on. But that will be hard I know. But as we sang on Sunday morning at my wonderful church; "Life is worth the living just because He (Jesus) Lives." And I pray that my Grandpa (and the whole family) will just get a fresh sense of the great God who we serve and how wonderful He is. And how He came so that we'd have life to the full and that we should praise Him even when it hurts, especially when it hurts. I think we all need to realise that.

"Because He lives, I can face tommorow, because He lives, all fear is gone, because I know, I know He holds the future and life is worth the living just because He lives"

My heart also aches right now for a wonderful woman of my church who has battled cancer for so long and gone to glory. Its so hard to see a long struggle end like this and when the church found out on Sunday morning that it wouldnt be long it pained us all. My verse of this year was read out and the emotion just filled up in me at all the struggles that people I love are facing and how hard they are. But God is there even when we cant see that He is holding us close and crying with us at our struggles. He won't let us be harmed.
So my heart and prayers do go out to Angie's family and I look forward to giving her a huge hug in Heaven one day.

Not alone in the Fiery Furnace (Daniel 3); Not singed, Not scorched

The CU has been going through the first few chapters of the book of Daniel. All three of these messages have felt incredibly relevant to me.

Chapter 1- Don't let the new world you find yourself in stop you being who you are meant to be and living in the Lord's ways

Chapter 2- Remember to remain Steadfast in the Lord, make sure that your life is not standing on Shaky things (Jesus is the only constant rock) and know that God is always Sovereign; He knows what He is doing in all situations and is in control. (including when your student loan doesn't come through for many weeks-God knew that it was going to come eventually- I just had to be patient and trust Him!!)

Last night's chapter though really really spoke to me. And I knew that it was the theme that my first really blog message should concentrate on.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are Daniel's friends. They all find themselves living in Babylon-a very Godforsaken place. This chapter concentrates on how Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego refuse to bow to a statue of King Nebuchadnezzar; because this goes against what they believe that God is the only one we should worship.

The punishment for refusal was to be bound and thrown into a fiery furnace. King Neb wasn't at all happy that these young lads weren't cooperating so ordered that the fire was to be made hotter than it has ever been before. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were tied up tightly and thrown in-the fire was that hot that the soldiers that threw then in were instantly killed!! That is one mean hot fire!!

But as King Neb watches the fire he sees that no longer are the lads tied up-there is also a man who looks like a God walking around in the fire with them. AND the lads are totally not hurt!
So Neb orders them out-and they aren't even singed or scorched in anyway!

The parts of this passage which spoke very much to me were;

• These young lads were serving God and God loved them very much-but yet they are thrown into the fire. Sometimes God allows fiery situations (hard times in life, temptations, tragedies) to hit those who He loves an incredible amount and the ones who He is going to use greatly. The devil also attacks those who he sees as a threat to him-the ones that are following God.
  Now I'm not being egotistical but I feel that this point is to be a "comfort" and strength to me. At my baptism part of the word that God gave to me was to tell me that He loved me first (1 John 4:10 tells us that we love God because he loved us first). And also that He has given me so many blessings in my life but I am to walk with Him-because the world needs me to. God loves me an incredible amount (as is the case with all His children) and I know He has a huge plan for my life- many things have been spoken over my life.
  So this fire that has been trying to scorch me and my family is shaping us because God loves us and we are going to be big servants of Him. (My Grandparents and Parents have for many years been very wonderful servants of the Lord)
  
• What the young guys lose in the fire is not their lives but the ropes that bind them. The fact that people who God loves and has big plans for are the ones that end up in very fiery furnaces seems strange!! But this shows that its a refining and molding process.
  God has been shaping me and taking out my impurities for years. This fire that I know find myself in wasn't given by God but He has allowed it to happen so that the ropes that bind me will be removed. So through this I will learn to be pure, 100% devoted to Him, no longer distracted by worldly things. My flaws, imperfections and ungodly traits will be worked on as I trust completely in Him. In these troubled times I need to fix my eyes totally on the Lord.
  
• We can only get through the fires with the strength of the Lord. The trio would have certainly died in that fire if God hadn't stepped into it with them. So when the fiery arrows of the evil one come-the temptations, the tragedies, we need to be drawing our strength from the Lord or else we will certainly become consumed.
  
• Its in the furnace that Jesus walks with them. He's always there in furnace times. Well He's always there anyway-But in the furnace He chooses to walk right beside you. Like the footprints poem-In the hard times of life He carries you on through. Here in the furnace He is walking closer to me than he ever has done before-I just have to cling to Him. For many years I have wanted to be closer to Jesus- This is my chance because He wants to hold me on through this Fire.
  
• And the verses in Isaiah 43 were read last night. This of course reduced me to tears. I just have to keep trusting the sovereignty of God-trust Him that He is going to be glorified in this. My family will not be Consumed by these flames, we will not drown in the water. The storm cannot harm us. Because He is God-The Holy one and He has summoned us by name, We are His, Redeemed by His blood.

This hard journey cannot have gone on this long without God performing a miracle. We just have to wait for that. My Grandpa will be restored-in God's perfect timing and we as a family will be stronger and further into God's likeness than ever before-walker closely with the Lord.

I love my family so much. And it breaks my heart to see my Grandpa hurting this much. And to know that my Nanny is having to care for him even though this is hard for her too. And to see my Mummy and Daddy being absolute troopers but knowing that this is always weighing on their minds-especially knowing that my Dad is having to continue working so hard to support us but he now also has the added weight of seeing his rock of a father suffering.

I look at how blessed we have been over the years and yes I do ask why.
Especially seen as though God told me New Years Day this year that 2007 was going to be a great year. So I'm still anticipating the miracle we have been waiting for since April.

I know that God will meet with the Briars family through our broken hearts-He will help us through our weariness and will do amazing things; Bringing ALL of us through the other end of the fire not even singed or scorched a little bit.

AMEN
xxxx

Fresherness

I have been here in Cardiff for almost a whole month now.

It seems like an awful lot longer and I've got used to being here; as I can tell since I went home this last weekend and now being back here it feels like I never left!!

The only reason it feels like I've been here for eternity is the foreverness experience of Freshers week.

Because I came to Uni not having any friends that are here Freshers week seemed like it dragged on for ages. For years I have not had to start from scratch making friends and so it was incredibly alien to me.

I felt incredibly alone and homesick; yes the people here that I met during my first week are lovely but it felt so awkward to have to get to know them all without anyone knowing me!

I really felt quite lost. I didn't want to go out anywhere because I didn't have any tickets and didn't have anyone who I really knew to go with!

It wasn't until I went to a few Christian Union events and met some brilliant Christian friends did I feel defined and as if I was me again! I've always had the label of "The Christian" and it was surreally strange to no longer be automatically known as that!!

Now I have a little network of Christian Friends; some who I see almost everyday and others who are friendly faces I see ever so often. I am also getting to know my housemates really well; 5 really lovely girls who its really nice to chat with in the kitchen!

I haven't found myself a church yet-but that is because there are so many to try its hard to know where to start and I have to work my way through a few to make sure I settle at the right place. PLUS in my heart Enderby Mission is home and nowhere will match up to it-because that's where a lot of my friends and family are! But I'm sure I'll find a brill church to fill the hole whilst I'm living here! Because I can hardly commute back EVERY Sunday morning-no matter how appealing that is to my lazy, familiarity nature!!

The course is really time consuming. Lectures everyday-for between 1 and 3 hours. Most days its a 9am start and the two that aren't are 10am starts. I'm doing lots of modules at once and have an awful lot of beefy textbooks. I really need to write up and pad out my notes as it will help me later on! I haven't had any practicals yet-but that's okay because as soon as I do I'll have more assignment deadlines looming (I've already done one small assignment, and am starting a group assignment!).

I don't really have time for joining the drama society-because its an awful big commitment and I feel that my priority is my course (seen as though it looks like it could get time consuming and tough and I need to concentrate on it!) and going to CU nights. I've debated whether to join the Volleyball society but I've only been once because the past two Tuesday nights I haven't felt like going! I know it'll get worse the longer I leave it but I'm kinda reluctant to go when I don't know anyone because the starting again making friends is not fun!!

But so that I at least make an attempt to have another dynamic to my time here I am having an audition to sing in the National Chorus of Wales- I may not get in but at lease I tried!!

I still miss everyone back home. It was lovely to see a few people over the weekend. Nice to check in and catch up with people even for just a little bit. It was hard to walk away from the Mission and to leave home Sunday evening but my folks are up this weekend for their half term (I don't get a half term!) and it was nice to come back and see my new friends here.

Can't wait to see the rest of them at Christmas when others are back for the holidays!!!

Much Love and God Bless

xxxx